Tonight on Biography
by Erin Cale
Summary: A response to a challenge on the Slipstream Underground. I've been told to warn people not to drink anything while reading this story. Feedback is always welcome


u"Tonight on Biography."/u By Moadine  
  
bDisclaimer:/b Andromeda isn't mine. Blah blah blah. bAuthor's note:/b This was in response to a challenge, listed below.  
  
Plot:  
  
Mutiny.  
  
Beka takes over.  
  
A Happy ever after.  
  
And Dylan? surprise me :)  
  
iHello and thank you for tuning in to the Biography channel. Tonight, we present for you that tale of highs and lows, of anger and mayhem- the tale of the Andromeda Ascendant and the one event that was to change the course of the Restored Systems Commonwealth. Now, on with the show./i  
  
Rebekah Valentine was angry.  
  
"I don't believe this. After all this time! I mean, I'm just going to kill the man!"  
  
Harper was worried.  
  
"Boss? What's up?"  
  
"I'm going to ikill/i the man!"  
  
Somehow, as if some other person had suddenly stepped in to take him over, Harper found the courage to ask: "Who?"  
  
"Dylan- the bastard!" Beka spat the name out as if it were bitter to her tastebuds.  
  
"Uh, what'd he do?"  
  
"He's screwing everything up! I mean, by the Divine, right now I care more about the Commonwealth than he does! All he does is bed every woman he comes across. I mean, honestly- how many sexually transmitted diseases has Trance cleared up for him this month, 10?"  
  
"17, last I heard," Harper corrected cautiously. "Oh, by the way, when you're not so incredibly-homicidal-angry, you might want to join the betting pool. The current bet is how many s.t.d.'s Dylan is going to contract by the end of the month. Winner gets a two-week vacation to the next cool planet we drop by."  
  
Beka's rage lifted for a moment. "Okay, count me in for 33."  
  
"33?" Harper squeaked. "Are you sure? There's only a week left in the month."  
  
Beka's eyes flashed dangerously, daring him to challenge her judgment again. "Plenty of time for the Master to do his work."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And speaking of vacations, that just happens to be my theory for making this whole situation better."  
  
Now the self-proclaimed Genius was truly confused. "Huh?"  
  
"Dylan obviously needs a little break, so I'm going to give him the vacation he so truly deserves. Isn't that right Andromeda?" Beka smiled dangerously at the ceiling, knowing the ship would answer.  
  
The holographic representation of the ship appeared before them. "I don't want to give Dylan a vacation. He's my captain."  
  
"But Andromeda," Beka answered sweetly, "if he doesn't get a break soon, then he's going to go around bedding every girl from here to the other edge of the galaxies and not one of them will be from here. that includes your avatar."  
  
Andromeda's dark eyes hardened. "When do you want to start?"  
  
Tyr appeared from behind Beka with a huge gun, followed closely by the never-before-seen other crewmembers. "How about now?"  
  
"Tyr? You're in on this?" Harper paused a moment and reconsidered his statement. "Wait a minute, of course you're in on this. You've always wanted to mutiny against Dylan."  
  
Tyr let out an awe-some belly laugh. "Hmm. yes, I believe you're right."  
  
Beka's dangerous smile seemed to be permanently affixed to her face. "And Trance is all ready with the medical aspects of this mutiny. Rommie's-"  
  
"-up on Command, keeping an eye on Dylan," Andromeda's hologram supplied.  
  
"So what about you, Harper? Are you with us?"  
  
Harper's frightened look immediately changed into a lazy one. "Sure. What else have I got to do? My only job around here lately have been tweaking Rommie. I'm bored." The last sentence was uttered with the most pathetic of whines that, had Beka not already wanted him on her side, she would have let him join her cause instantly.  
  
"Shall we?" she asked her compatriots.  
  
"Mutiny!" they cried, brandishing their weapons high above their heads.  
  
*** (eight minutes later)  
  
"Dylan?" Beka asked, coming onto the bridge. "You're off-duty."  
  
"Beka," he scolded condescendingly. "You know my shift doesn't end for another five hours. Though if you've heard of another female visitor to the ship who I can sleep with, we might be able to renegotiate."  
  
"Renegotiate this," Beka replied, bringing her weapon to bear against Dylan's chest.  
  
Dylan Hunt, captain of the Andromeda Ascendant, defeater of the Magog Worldship; the man who believed he had single-handedly rebuilt the Systems Commonwealth, took one look at his miffed first officer and peed his pants.  
  
"I surrender! Do what you will with me!" he squeaked as he put his hands in the air.  
  
Beka's grin grew even wider. "Shouldn't have said that."  
  
iBeka was to spend the rest of her life in command of both the Andromeda Ascendant and the Eureka Maru. Though he was rarely seen, Dylan Hunt was rumored to be kept in her quarters as her own personal concubine. The blonde ex-freighter pilot soon proved herself to be the bravest, most intelligent, most trustworthy captain that the universe had ever seen. The tall ex-High Guard captain soon proved to Beka why his attentions had been craved all over the cosmos. The two were also reported to have fallen in love and married at some point, but this is unconfirmed. The sudden presence of a child onboard the Andromeda Ascendant was at one point explained as being a nephew of the illustrious Captain Valentine. Again, this is unconfirmed.  
  
Either way, the Andromeda Ascendant and her somewhat oddball crew are going down in the history books- literally, since the Triumverate of the Restored Systems Commonwealth demanded it and the books are being produced as this show airs. Don't forget to stop by your local store today and pick up a download: only 19.95./i 


End file.
